I HATE DAN (Lost Jontron episode)
Have you ever been on a website called "youtube?" Well you use it to upload videos, in case, by the odd chance, you didn't know. Well on youtube there is a dude called Jontron. I watch him every day. He is my favorite youtuber. I even have him as a wallpaper. Not as a desktop wallpaper, but as an actual wallpaper in my house. I literally printed hundreds of the same picture of him and stuck them to my basement walls. No one knows about it, but that's where I eat my soup every day for lunch. Anyway my friend sent me a dvd in the mail that just said "jontron" on the envelope, in black marker, obviously. Naturally I put it in my wii and pressed play. The only thing that came up was a blank, white background, with the words "I_HATE_DAN" on it. I didn't think much of it. I brought my pointer to the words and pressed A. It took 5 minutes for it to load the video. The video started as a normal video. Jon was sitting on his couch, eating a bowl of chicken soup. It went on for about 32 seconds. Then he said he was going to review Sonic.exe. "Sonic.exe? I have never heard of that game, and I am a huge Sonic fan." I said out loud as I myself was also eating soup. Then Jon lifted his head from his bowl and looked at the screen. He had HYPERREALISTIC EYES!11 It made me pee myself, but I kept watching. I noticed that he had blood coming from his mouth. But it too real to just be special effects. It was HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD!11 It was almost as if I could actually touch it! But, I didn't think much of it. I kept watching and eating my soup. All of a sudden, Jauques, Jon's parrot appeared. But something about him seemed...off. Perhaps it was because it was a dead bird being held up by marionette strings? Maybe, I wasn't sure though. He handed Jon a piece of paper with his beak. I began to wonder when the review for Sonic.exe was going to start. It had been about 1 minute and 4 seconds already. "Thank you, Jauques." Jon said in a deep, growly voice. It wasn't how he normally sounded. He sounded like he was in pain or something. I began to feel a little creeped out. I wasn't sure why. Something just felt wrong. This wasn't a normal Jontron review. Where was the jokes? Where was the review? I kept watching though, because content is content, right? Anyway, Jon read the paper, then held it out in front of him. It said "I hate you Dan." in bold letters. He read it out loud. "Dan? What Dan?" I said. Right when I said that, a picture of Dan from Game Grumps appeared on screen. He had NO EYES!11 And from his empty eye sockets dripped HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD!11 And he had knots in his hair! The picture was on screen for about 3 seconds. At this point, I was starting to regret putting the disk into my wii. But my eyes were glued to the screen. Right after the picture appeared, Dan actually came onto the set of the video. "I hate you Dan!" Jon said again. Why did he hate him? Because he took his place on the show? That was his decision. Maybe because his hair was better and he was jealous? I didn't know. But he took out a knife and began to stab Dan repeatedly in the groin area. It was way too real to just be a skit. The way Jon acted was to genuine. The way Dan screamed sounded like real pain. The sounds the knife made was too real. "Jon...We can fix this..." Dan squeeked. "No... It's too late. You stole my spotlight...Now you have to DIE!" he said. The saddest part of the video was Dan's last dying word. "I love you Arin." referring to his costar. Then, looked at the camera and said, in the lowest, most intimidating voice I've heard, "Now I'M grump! ECH!" I screamed and ran away to my basement to hide! But every single one of that same picture of Jontron was gone, replaced with that terrifying image of Dan! All except one...in the middle of the wall was a blank page with black letters that said, "Jose sucks eggs. ~Jon" "GOLLY GEE WILLIKERS!" I exclaimed, shocked that Jon would speak to me in such fowl language. I couldn't believe my eyes. Seeing all my pictures change into something creepy made me lay down and cry. I cried for like 5 and a half minutes. Suddenly I thought of going on Jontron's youtube page and messaging him. "Hello! My name is Jose and I've been a fan of yours for years. Earlier my old friend Jim-Bob sent me a dvd in the mail. The only thing on it was a video called I_HATE_DAN. You murdered Danny in that video. Why did you never post that on youtube? Where did it come from? Bye!" I forgot about the whole incident for a week until I got a notification that Jon replied. "Hey there! That video was made 3 years ago. No one has ever seen it. Don't tell anyone about it, please. I don't know how your friend got a hold of it. I'll just say this...Danny from Game Grumps is not the same guy as in that video..." And that was the last I've heard from Jontron. If anyone has any info on him lately, or that video, please let me know! I haven't slept in 3 months. Category:BCP Category:Pastas Category:Computers and Internet